Don’t Focus on the Missing

This morning’s meditation in the Science of Mind Magazine my husband and I start the day with was spot on:

“When we focus on what we are missing, we are focusing on lack, loneliness, longing and loss of some kind. The energy of that focus is really poisonous, diminishes our relationships, makes us sad, and generally brings more unhappy experiences to us.

I discovered that whenever I feel myself missing my family, my grandbabies, my friends; if instead I gave thanks for those people I loved so deeply, I felt better. The sadness would leave and in its place, the appreciation for my life grew. In most cases the love grew, connections deepened, and I discovered a great gift: love knows no borders, barriers, or conventional distinctions. Love is love is love. Let the active art of not missing give you its gift. I am so grateful.”

Science of Mind September 2010 Rev. Barbara Leger

Wow!  No accident this came up today. It’s exactly what I am trying to do with my Invisible Grandparent situation. But three years ago when I started to journal about it, all that came out was an ego-centered diatribe about what my two grandchildren would miss out on by not having such a cool grandmother as me.  I even made a list:

  • An intelligent presence, mine! … that can intuit a way to ask kids questions and support their growth, without having to be the direct disciplinarian;
  • Lessons in cooking, cleaning, organizing, playing, and living life fully;
  • Trips to places they might never have gone: Washington, D.C., New York city, Monterey, CA, even across oceans;
  • Financial help with college costs (god knows what that’ll be in 2019!);
  • Widened perspective on gender roles, history, dress, love, movies &  politics;
  • Exposure to many spiritual perspectives: all the different ways ‘god’ is in ours and other cultures; and
  • the list goes on, add your own!

That was written by Yours truly,  Pat Hanson – July 13, 2008

Since then, with lots of help from my friends and more than a few therapy sessions, I came to see how self-righteousness and the residual anger behind it didn’t help anyone. It didn’t serve me. Not without difficulty, I began to ‘do the work’ of healing. When I was feeling particularly sad or mad, and came to realize that there was nothing I could do about it right then; I looked around me and found something in my own life to be thankful for. There is always something to be grateful for, closer to home than you think. Today it’s the sun that has just broken through Monterey’s thick drizzly fog early: 8:43 a.m. Thank you god.

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